Life of a Lady Magazine

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am a 54-year-old woman and as I write this letter I am weeping. My husband has upset me very, very much.

I entered a piece of cross stitch work in our local village show and was absolutely delighted when I came 4th out of 5 entrants in the embroidery category.

Of course the person who came 5th tried their best, but they just weren’t up to my standard!

As you can imagine I was absolutely thrilled and phoned everyone I knew when we got back home, I put an announcement in our local newspaper and was also planning a celebratory party.

But my husband has been absolutely wretched about the whole thing. He said to me this afternoon, as I was ringing round some catering companies;

‘It’s not like you even got a third place!’

I asked him what he meant and he said, cruelly I thought;

‘Coming one from the bottom is nothing to be proud of!’

How can he be so insensitive? I haven’t had a personal success like this since I almost got my Cycling Proficiency badge when I was 9.

I say ‘almost’ because I lost control of my bike and ran the police officer over who was conducting the test. He was near retirement age anyway so the broken legs were no big deal.

How can I get my husband to realise how thoroughly brutish he is being?

Yours, feeling very deflated, Audrey, Berkshire

Aunty Jean says;

Dear deflated Berk,

It’s always very trying when someone you tolerate rains on your parade.

(I use the word ‘tolerate’  and not ‘love’ as I am assuming that you’ve been married for some time and will be over all that type of thing)

I myself had a photo shoot done when I came 7th in our own local village show in the vegetable classes. I had entered in the ‘Most Attractive Runner Bean’ category.

And if I tell you that there were only 9 entrants then you can see how well I did!

While it’s true that my offers to be interviewed on television were turned down by the major TV companies (they just don’t know talent when they see it) I did manage to get myself onto a cable TV channel called ‘Essex Local World’

I was joint interviewee with a fascinating man who had been photographing postboxes from up and down the country for the past 30 years. He talked us through a couple of hundred of his pictures and it was absolutely riveting. How the interviewer, Marlon Crest, fell asleep during the talk I will never know!

Sadly this Cable Channel was taken off the air after only a month. Not even someone as interesting as me could save it!

Go ahead with your party plans my dear. Perhaps your husband is even a little jealous?

Has he ever won any prizes for the size of his marrow?

Have a wonderful time at your celebrations!

Hope that helps! Aunty Jean

Remember! Signed photographs of me holding my attractive runner bean are available for just £9.99 each!