Life of a Lady Magazine

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am a woman of 32 and have only been married for 3 months, and it hasn’t been a happy experience so far. My husband promised me that he wasn’t going to do anything too bad on his stag night but then his ‘mates’ took him to Berlin for a stag weekend and he got arrested in a German brothel for singing too loudly. Apparently the management were quite strict about that type of thing. The police found my number in his phone and called me to let me know that he may need a solicitor.

They dropped the case in the end due to having more important things to do.

My husband assures me that he was so drunk he had no idea he had been taken to a brothel and had thought that he was, in fact, at a karaoke evening in a down-market nightclub.

He admitted that he had noticed several of the women were naked but, even as drunk as he was, he averted his eyes from them.

I wanted to believe him and went ahead with the wedding. It was actually a wonderful day apart from when my grandmother (who I had told about the stag weekend) accosted him outside the church and called him a philandering lounge lizard.

Anyway, the thought of him being in the same room as several naked women keeps playing on my mind. It shouldn’t of course, but it does.

To make matters worse one of his friends is also getting married and says he wants a stag weekend in Berlin, just like the one they had for my husband and my husband says he is going to go on it. He says I am being unduly paranoid about the whole thing and should just calm down.

I am in bits over it and can’t stop crying.

What am I going to do? I think he will be unfaithful to me, no matter how many times he assures me he won’t.

yours, sobbing Julia, Milton Keynes

Aunty Jean says:

Dear Milton sobs,

Yes, he is going to be unfaithful to you.

I suggest you give him a taste of his own medicine. My devoted secretary, Miss Tiffany, tells me that there are internet sites where muscular young men can be hired to come round and do your cleaning whilst they are naked. I would normally disapprove of this kind of thing, but I think that your situation warrants it.

Get a dozen of them round to your place, and when he comes home from work and finds you lying down on the sofa while several young hunks are sprucing up your sitting room,  ask him how he likes it.

If he still persists with these plans to visit another brothel then just file for divorce. The man is clearly a complete cad.

Hope that helps! Aunty Jean

Remember! Next time pick a man with no friends!

 

 

 

 

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