Life of a Lady Magazine

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am becoming increasingly bored with my wife of 20 years. She is a compulsive crafter and is forever making something or other.

So engrossed is she in whatever she is doing, that I decided to test how much attention she pays me by telling her the other week, that I had gangrene and was going to have to have my feet removed and replaced with roller skates. She didn’t take her eyes off her embroidery frame and just said ‘Mmm, yes dear.’

That’s all I ever get! I have tried several other attention seeking conversation starters with her:

When she was making  a bust of Genghis Khan out of Plasticine, I said ‘Darling, I’m having an affair with an inflatable doll, we’re in love,  and I’m thinking of taking her shopping with us next Saturday!’

‘Yes dear,’ was of course the answer.

While she was knitting a track suit for our next-door neighbour; ‘I want you to know that I’m leaving you to spend six months on the International Space Station,  as I’ve always wanted to learn how to effectively  wee in zero gravity.’ And what was her response? ‘Yes dear.’

2 days ago I finally lost the plot, I ripped the Papier Mache model she is making of Dr Crippin from her hands and had it out with her. I told her in no uncertain terms that her hobbies had to take a back-seat to our relationship and she agreed that she has been somewhat distant. She said that she would leave all of her hobbies alone for the next month and concentrate on us as a couple.

Has it lasted? No! Just 3 hours after she promised me faithfully that I would have all of her attention, I caught her committing an act of crochet in the bath!

Is she a craft addict? If so what help is there for people like her?

I would like to stay married to her, as before she took up compulsively making things she was quite good company and used to watch Match of the Day with me quite regularly.

Yours, fed up of all the glue, Timothy, Doncaster

Aunty Jean says:

Dear fed gluecaster,

I can see why you are feeling a little left out. And while it’s true that your wife does seem to have an addiction, I’m afraid that Miss Tiffany has spent hours online looking for ‘Knitters Anonymous’ groups and hasn’t managed to find one as yet.

Until we do manage to find a support group for your wife I would suggest that perhaps you take up a hobby which you can both share. I can remember that my own parents spent many a happy hour growing ‘outsized’ parsnips. In fact my mother told me on her death-bed that root vegetables had saved their marriage.

So it’s worth thinking about!

Hope that helps! Aunty Jean

Remember! If it’s not at least 6 inches long, it’s no good to anyone!