Life of a Lady Magazine

(A note from Ernestine; The Coronation Street dream was one I had myself last night. It was poet @LynnGerrard (Twitter) who suggested I hand it’s interpretation over to my Agony Aunts when I today asked people what it meant)

Dear Aunty Jean,

I am hoping that your talents stretch to ‘dream interpretations’!

I am a lady of 52 and fairly fit, apart from a recent injury which I sustained after taking part in a charity leapfrogging event;  I would rather not go into the details of it here. It’s very delicate and our local vicar, the Reverend Snipperton, who was leaping over me at the time of the incident hasn’t been able to look me in the eye since.

But I digress!

Back to my dreams. Well, they have been rather odd of late. The other night I dreamed that ‘Liz McDonald’ from ‘Coronation Street’ killed the character ‘Norris Cole’, packed his body in a suitcase and took it on holiday to America where she disposed of him in a Florida swamp.

The night after that I dreamed that Boris Johnson had scaled the Empire State Building just like King Kong, but instead of holding Faye Wray in his hand he was grasping a writhing Ethel Merman who was singing ‘There’s no business like show business!’ The planes trying to shoot Boris down were all manned by goats.

Then last night I dreamt that my feet had turned into a spacehopper and I could only bounce around my kitchen. While this certainly had its appeal, I could finally reach things off the top shelves without stretching, I did keep spilling my porridge in big globs on the floor as I bounced my way across the kitchen. And in fact woke up screaming as a result of this, as I have very expensive floor tiles and it was deeply disturbing.

What can these dreams all mean Aunty Jean? I really would like to know as they are troubling me somewhat.

Yours, hoping to dream about kittens and great big rainbows!, Eleanor, Epsom

 

Aunty Jean says:

Dear Epsom salts,

I didn’t know what this ‘Coronation Street’ was that you referred to. My devoted secretary Miss Tiffany has looked it up for me and tells me that it is a programme about miserable poor people.

The disposal of someone from a suitcase is a metaphor for something that needs to be released and discarded from your own mind. I certainly don’t want to pry, but are you as ‘over’ the incident with your local reverend as perhaps you think? Are you as completely accepting of that moment when he ‘leaped your frog’ and your relationship changed forever, as you might be? It might be worth thrashing it out with him just to clear the air.

As for that Titan of British politics and champion of the memories of the glorious British Empire, Boris Johnson! Well, it’s perfectly clear. Even if he doesn’t become PM here, (Can you imagine how envious the rest of the world would be?????) then I understand that he was in fact born in the United States and I wonder if you’re not having a premonition about his potential future as…………..President Johnson! Just think of it!

The aeroplanes: Goats are incredibly stupid and have ridiculous hair; I must admit I see no connection here with Boris Johnson. Sorry about that one.

In your last dream the space hopper may mean that you want to reach new heights in your life. Perhaps you should look at your personal achievements. I myself am very proud to announce that I have come a very respectable 23rd in a local art competition with my painting ‘The Great Lady Rises’. (I knew I would beat the idiot who came in last. Who paint’s a picture of their ironing board?) My piece depicts Baroness Thatcher ascending to heaven, standing on the heads of 2 striking miners. It really is quite beautiful!

Hope that helps! Aunty Jean

Remember! No!!!!!!! Miss Tiffany tells me that Raine Vincent has been re-instated and exonerated? I can’t be true? Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

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